Mixed feelings....

My sis, yani was here in Kerteh over the weekend. It was a good feeling having one of ur family members with u, going thru ur daily routines. I suddenly missed my family a lot and I promise them to be back to melaka by end of the month. During merdeka holiday, I hope.

It was supposed to be a fun weekend for me. Yeap, it was. I drove around, showing my lil sis what kind of life have I been leading since the last one-and-a-half-years. Kerteh, chukai. Buying keropok, kain ela, durian and lemang kijal. My sis thot what an enjoyable life it is. The first thing I asked her when I fetched her from the bus-stop was “ Nak makan ketam malam ni?” She was smiling from ears-to-ears. Was I a good sister or what? You know what, suddenly I feel myself very mature. I actually enjoying my role as a big sis. And how I wish I have one big bro or big sis.

The good feeling suddenly vanished. And it has nothing to do with having my lil sis around. I got a call. It’s a call I’ve been dreading to take. But I gotta take it. It is supposed to be business but it wasn’t. I regretted taking the call the moment the caller asked me that question. In one of my posts, I’ve talked about this caller. Why didn’t he understand?? I was shaking and could not really concentrate on whatever I was doing. I kept swearing (bad..bad..Allah, forgive me..) after the conversation ended and feel soooo miserable. I really need to end this. But I don’t know what to do. If I asked for opinions from other people, they WILL give me the same answer. It’s easier said than done. I only trust few people on this. Many things need to be considered before I let this out in the open. I have to do it carefully, so it won’t backfire that person or me. What I lack rite now is courage and a boyfriend. Maybe I need to hire one. What do u think?