Tuesday, December 6, 2016

My new love.. Al Quran

Its boring in the office. I have started charging on overhead since the last 3 weeks. It's scary because I went to the office, turn on my pc, reading news online, googling here and there until lunch hour, go out for lunch, came back and start another session with Mr Google, or Mr Xiaomi, and waited till 445pm before I pack my bag and go home. Scary isn't it? You have nothing to do in the office! No project, no work, that means no job later..sighhh...it wasn't so scary when you still have things to do. Whenever I was on overhead before, the HOD still plan something for us to do. Recheck the spreadsheet, review the PTS, API standards, anything, as long as we occupy the hours. We will need to come out with presentation, new spreadsheets or anything to prove that we did something during the hours. But now, nothing! Some more, because the HOD is now leaving us to join another company, we have no idea whom to report to.

Everyday, in your mind, you are thinking when is the last day in this company.

Since the last 2 years, I started reading Quran. Why? Initially because I know I read it wrong. Wrong tajwid, dunno where to stop or start. It bothers me. I am not a really a good muslim and I guess the only thing I can do is read the Book for muslim the right way. I already bought the Quran with tafsir few years back and I intentionally bought the one with colourful pages so that it will be interesting to read. I only need a teacher, and I found her through my company. Kak Jamilah were my first teacher.She heard me reading the Quran and it was bad, like really bad and she suggested a new teacher, Ustazah Asiah. With Ustazah Asiah, I dun have to attend Kak Jamilah's class during lunch hour. I really need my lunch. hehe...

Ustazah conducted her class in my company's surau. It was every Friday after 1230pm. My company was on 4 and half day working hour before this year. Every Friday, the working hour stops at 1230pm. When the company decided to go for full five days which means that we will be working full day on Friday, that's when we decided that Ustazah can no longer teach us in a group. we now have to go to her house to continue. Not many are willing to go to Ustazah's house because of the distance and commitment. I can still do it because I am living near KL area and currently single, with no kids and hubby taking up my time. Somemore, I decided I have to 'khatam' since I never 'khatam' Quran before. My determination is really something. My love affair with AlQuran is something miraculous, I would say. I cant really remember when it starts. When I started "mengaji" with Ustazah, with 20 plus people in a surau, I could not really concentrate. There were a lot of people and each of us read a page. I usually take the longest time since I was that bad. I was quite ashamed but determined to get better. Even ustazah encouraged me not to be disappointed with myself whenever she stopped me to correct my reading. I have no shame because I am determine whatever it is, I have to read Quran the right way. Though sometimes I skipped class because I thot other things are more important than this class.

Then everything changes one day. I told myself that I should not take this class lightly if I were to improve myself. I have to speed up myself. Then I read Quran at least once a day, reading with the translation so that I am interested. I started to buy tajwid books and books about stories about AlQuran. Then one day, I came across an article that by reading 2 last ayat from Al Baqarah, it is du'a so that Allah will only tested us within our capacity to be tested. During that time I was so down, the thought of losing my job is unbearable to me, hence I began reading the ayah every night.

Then, came stories on Surah Al-Mulk. I cant really recall where I read it but it says that by reading AlMulk each night before you sleep can help lighten the afterdeath suffering. Then I read somewhere that Surah Al Waqiah is surah of wealth. Then I came across Surah Ar Rahman, what a beautiful surah. Then, I decided to make it a point to read all these Surah everyday. How? Morning, in the bus on the way to the office, I will read 3 surah : Al Sajadah, Yassin and Waqiah and sometime Ar Rahman when I still have time. During the night after Isya prayer, I will read 2 ayah from Al Baqarah and Al Mulk. I also make it a point to khatam reading AlQuran with its translation at least once a year by reading them after prayer whenever I have time.

It is totally a journey a beautiful and magical one. I only start now, when I am 30+ but I saw other people start it later than me and I am thankful. Everyday is a beautiful day. Now suddenly I remember why I started reading it in the first place. Last 2 years, I was in a very low place. In a project I'm in, we had so many difficulties. I myself know that this is punishment from Allah to me because previously I did something which I myself find it hard to forgive. I was sick mentally and physically, everyday I wanted to hand over my resignation letter and just be gone from the company. That's when I started reading AlQuran. Even though I am not reading it right, I find the surah very soothing to me. Whenever I read them with translation, they makes me curious and wanting to know more. In my school, we have this all this classes of AlQuran but I was never interested. Until now.

It was very difficult to keep this routine at first. But I guess because I was very determine, I no longer find excuse not to do it. Whenever I feel down, I make it a point to read Surah Yassin. On weekend, after each prayer, I make it a necessity to at least read a Surah. Usually after Subuh prayer I will read 3 or 4 surah. My favourite is Al Sajadah, Yassin, Ar Rahman, Al Waqiah and Al Mulk. Other than Subuh and Isya prayer, I read Quran with translation.

So, what did I gain? I am calmer, more rationale and happy. There are many things going on in your life but by going to Al Quran, you know that this life is not real. This life is only one stop, and there are so many stops before your final destination. It helps me to stay sane and live day by day, not overthinking the future (though, being human, who didn't?), whatever that is fated for you will come for you, if it's not, it's OK. Be grateful, and your suffering may be hard for you but other people undergo the same thing also but in a different way.

I will 'khatam' with Ustazah maybe next Monday. I have already on Juz 29, page 580. 2 more classes and I can finally 'khatam' with her. I am beyond happy and she already advised me to read Al Quran everyday. I am already doing it now, and I hope I can continue for the rest of my life, InshAllah.

Sunday, December 4, 2016

Just WOW!

My last post was in March 17, 2013. About my Baba. A sad post indeed. How long has it been? More than 3 years? Can never imagine I would start blog again. I would say, the reason I stop blogging altogether is because of the social media. Suddenly we have Facebook, boom! everyone is glued. Then came Instagram, absolute monster, very addictive and data hogger. So what has happened since the last 3 tears?

End of 2013- still single, still working in the company that I worked since 2008. Travel? Where did I go to? I went to Ho Chi Minh and also my second trip to Korea for Autumn foliage. And yeah, I met someone I wish I never met. I never learn, aite?

2014- still single (my life is boring, and that someone I wish I never met, lets' just wipe him from my life history though I still met him, not dating though, complicated), went to Europe for second time, this time went to East Europe, starting from Frankfurt, to Berlin, to Prague, to Vienna (also a day detour to Budapest) via train. Then fly to Rome, Florence and lastly Paris. A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. This time I went with 3 of my best friends. Will I write about it? Not sure. Oh yeah, did I mention that I bought another house this time? Located near KL center, at Sri Gombak. Very expensive studio which cost me RM313K. Is it worth buying? I don't think so, but that's the only price I can afford. I already have a 3 room house in Melaka, I dun need another big house in KL. And I'm still single, if I were to get married (seriously, in 2014, I still have a flicker of hope, though not so much), my hubby has to buy the house for us. Period.

2015- A year which started shaky because of oil price falling. For those in the dark, I work in a big consultant company for oil n gas industry. The pay is good, above the average salary. Well, that;s why I can afford another house and another Europe trip. However, as the saying goes "langit tidak selalu cerah". Or in English, the good fortune does not last forever. Retrenchment and more retrenchment. When I joined my company, there was about 1500 employees. But now, in 2016, only left with 300++ employees. Crazy? Yup crazzeeeeeyyyyy. The heart ache seeing your friends go one by one is just heartbreaking. It's as if seeing pieces of you being taken away. Tough year, yes. And me and my friends decided to slow down on our travel plan. None of us dared to go anywhere (plus, ringgit is going down the drain). Amid the heart ache, insecurity of the job at hands (it feels like you can loose your job the next day you came to the office), I decided to travel to Seoul in winter 2015. Because I am tired of overthinking and just decided to fly out of Malaysia. And this was planned like a month before my departure because I wasn't really sure. For those who knows me, I always plan in advance everytime I travel. 3 or 6 months ahead. this time around, I just decide to go, buy the ticket and just think where I want to go. There is no proper planning at all. And yeah, this is the year I decided to cut the ties with that "someone I wish I never met". Block him from my contact, out of sight, out of mind.

2016- actually as I am blogging this, its already December. And I realized my life story is about my travelling. Its; because I am still single, not much things take up space in my life. There is not much to tell about my family. Oh yeah, maybe now I am a proud aunt of 2 cute lil boys. But there is nothing much to tell. I would like to tell more on my job, the thing that takes most of my time but I am so stress with it and I don't want to write about things that stressed me out. Ok, so what else has happened in 2016? Trip to Lombok, but that is also not something I want to tell. It was just a trip that I didn't enjoy. so, I guess 2016 is nothing, right?

After going through these 3 years, not much things has changed since I last blogged. The only big thing is, before 2013, I don't have to worry about my career. It was the year where the oil price at peak, nearing USD120 per barrel. Projects are booming left and right, every company is hiring and you are free to go anywhere you want. But sadly, things has changed now. Well, why would I blog about this sad thing? arghhh...now I'm mad with myself.

Come 2017, another dark period is expected but I want it to be a happy one. I have already set my sight on Tokyo in march 2017. Really looking forward it though I still did not buy any ticket yet because I'm waiting for confirmation from my friend whether she wanted to join me or I will just fly solo. Err..did I tell you that my Seoul trip in 2015 is a solo trip. Yes, it is because none of my friends wanted to join, but since it's Seoul, I can already consider myself an expert here :p.

So, welcome 2017. And wow, welcome to blog world again, Herlina!

Sunday, March 17, 2013

It's his usual fall....

Today, marked the 7th day after my father, or I called Baba passed away. He was 62 years old.

Never that I thot that I wud never see him again, after that unfortunate day. It was my usual weekend at my hometown Melaka. I was supposed to be home the week before but a firend of mine suddenly scheduled to have a farewell bbq at his home. I was reluctant at first but my friend insisted that I joined him, saying I cud be home the weekend after. Then I calld Mak informing her I'll be home the next weekend.

My first IF, what IF I still insisted to be home, not attending my friend's bbq, that will result in me not being home during the most critical time of my life. Maybe I shud be thanking my friend for the last minute schedule of bbq?..

I was back to my hometown, the week after the bbq wekend, happy with a new land deed, which I just acquired from Jabatan Tanah & Galian Melaka, a request by Baba to change the land name from him to any of his children. I took that responsibility. It's not because I want the land so badly but it's been discussed within my siblings and they feel that since I'm the oldest, it is my responsibility, and also, since I have the means (transport and money), it will be easier. The changing of name is no easy task. After more than a month of first going to the Jabatan Tanah & Galian, the land deed is finally in my hand. I showed to Baba and Mak. And he was happy. Baba looked sick. Mak told me Baba now has to be in the wheel chair since his legs no longer can support him. Actually, he was in wheel chair before, but he still can walk for a short distance. He cud no longer do that now. I asked him, "Baba Ok?" and I can still rmember him replied "Mana ada Ok". He seemed in pain and Mak told me, the last 2 weeks, he had fallen 4 times. He cud no longer feel his legs. My Baba is a big man, and Mak  told me, she cud no longer ferry baba on his wheel chair, he seemes heavier. Each time, my adik, Mida, needed to help Mak to move Baba in his wheel chair. I was not alarmed. Baba is scheduled for full body scan in 2 weeks. In fact I told my boss not to send me anywhere for job since I need to take leaves to take Baba to the hospital. I'm sure Baba wud be Ok. My other sister, Yani told me that they sent Baba to a clinic last Thursday and the doctor is prescribing him with a medicine. If h's not ok after 4 days, we need to send Baba for check up. Baba shud be fine, that's wat I told myself. He was sick before, but he always came out fine. Then on that Saturday morning, Yani whispered to m, Baba asked to be sent to private clinic since he cud not take the pain anymore. But I told her, isn't Baba is scheduled for chckup on Monday if h's not ok? We are not the doctors, how can we know based on Baba's measure of pain. I'm sure Baba will be ok come Monday. Then, while watching tv, my sister Mida screamed, "Baba jatuh!". I went out seeking Baba. He was on the ground, angry with my sister for not holding tight to him while transferring him from his wheel chair to his sleping spot. My sister is already crying. "Baba pegang Mida kuat sangat, Mida dah pegang Baba tapi Mida tak kuat nak angkat Baba". I knew my sister had tried her best and I cud not blame her. I wanted to help him but my other sister warned me, I am not that strong. All my other sisters are bigger than me. That incident was watched by nighbours. My neighbour is having the engagement knduri for her daughter. So, there were a lot of people nearby. All the men helped lifting Baba. One of them asked how he is and Mak told him that this week, it's been more than 4 times he fell. My neighbour decided to call an ambulance. Mak followed him to the hospital. That's the last time my neighbours saw my Baba alive. The next time he was home is during his mandi jenazah and kebumi. My sisters and I joined Mak one hour later. Mak kpt telling us that she's worried that the doctor will send Baba home again, like what they did the last time he was here. I was already planning to driv back to KL if the doctor found Baba is ok.
We were at the hospital from 130pm. When the clock hits 8pm, I was worried. Wat is going on? Wat took so long? I went into the emergency room. The doctor told m that they are still checking on him. Thy decided to x-ray him. I found myself saying, finally. But I was not worried, yet.
Around 10pm, the doctor asked for a waris to se him. My siblings and Mak decided that I wud be th best person since I might understand wat the doctor is saying. I went in, expecting him to say that we can bring him home. When I mt him, he was already standing near baba's bed. "Boleh kita cakap jauh sikit?" he asked me. I said sure, but my heart is already beating.
"He is in a critical condition. From his upper body x-rar result, it shows that his heart is abnormal in size, his lungs is infected and liver is badly damaged". W.H.A.T.A.R.E.Y.O.U.S.A.Y.I.N.G???
With disbelif look on my face I told him" We have sent him to clinic and hospitals these last 2 weeks and the doctor didn't say anything serious and now you are telling me this?" The doctor looked sorry,"We are so sorry. Thre is nothing I can say now. We are going to scan his kidney but it doesnot seem promising. And the most alarming is his low blood pressure. Our aim is to stabilize him by increasing his blood pressure". I asked him one last qustion" How do I tell Mak and my other siblings outside?". His replied? "That is our daily dilemma here and I hope you can tell all the family members. He will be sent to ICU once his place has been confirmed".

I walked to Mak with heavy legs. How do I tell them? To Mak, who is expecting all of us to be home shortly? When I reached Mak, I was smiling. I am sure Mak and my other siblings thot Baba is fine. But I dropped th bomb. "Baba jap lagi dorang nak tolak masuk ICU. Mak kena kuat, baba dalam keadaan kritikal". My sisters and Mak went from listening intently to crying. None of us expected this. Mak told me to msg my brother. I asked Mak, should I alert other family members? Mak said, not yet. We waited for Baba to enter ICU around 3am. Only 2 persons are allowed in the ICU, that time, it was me and mak. During that time, they found that Baba's kidney is already damaged and the only way for all the toxins in his body to be out is from dialysis. But with his low blood pressure, that is impossible. All they did now is trying to increase his blood pressure. Baba can still talk. He told Mak to go home. We have been in the hospital for a day and everyone is tired. Mak promised to come tomorrow during visiting hours since we are not allowed to take care of him in ICU. I looked at him and say "Baba, takde apa2 nih, nanti Baba ok". And I smiled at him. He just looked at me. I didn;t know that is the last time I saw him when he can still talk. If only i knew, I wud've prolong the conversation with him. In my mind, he will still be ok tomorrow and we can still talk to him.

On the way home, I asked Mak whether we shud alarm Baba's siblings. Mak said ok. I messaged my Uncle in JB and my cousin in Muar. Thru this 2 people, I believe all of Baba's siblings will be informed. But I cud not sleep that night. I cried in my sleep.

The next morning, while having breakfast with Mak, and getting ready to visit Baba, someon from the hospital called asking for family members to come. We were beyond alarmed. What cud be worse?
Once reaching ICU, my brother and me waited for the doctor while Mak and my sisters waited outside. Relatives, nighbours and friends were already gathering outside. I saw Baba and quite surprised he was still asleep. The nurse told me that since Baba is so tired, they decided to put him to sleep. I asked her" Nanti petang Baba bangun ke?" "In Shaa Allah" she told me. We were told by doctor that things were not looking good. Baba blood pressure is not increasing even after maximum dosage. Antibiotics has been injected into him. But it all depends on him now. His heart cud stop beating anytime. I was speechless. I heard the doctor but I did not know what to feel. All I want to ask is "How much time?" but I cud not dare myself to ask that. I told Mak and we all cried. Since the ICU only limit 2 persons to go, we had to let othrs to visit him for the last time. It must be traumatic for Mak since her mum and dad passed away in the hospital. And now her husband.

Around 6pm, my uncle and aunti from Mak's side went to see us. "Nurse tanya kenapa takde orang baca Yassin? Keadaan dah macam nazak" Ya Allah, Ya Rahman, Ya Rahim....my mum is alrady crying. My sister Fiza gave me a Yassin and tell me to go see Baba now. We cried while walking to him. Once in his room, I read him Yassin while crying. My sisiter saw him and then went out. Mak then was next to me and we read him yassin. Not long after that I heard doctor giving permission to all family members to come see him for the last time. I did not even look who is next to me but I was aware that the room is full with people. One of my nenek sedara who is quite close to us, reciting syahada to Baba to his ears. When I heard that I just burst more into tears that I can no longer see what I was reading. After 10pm, only 2 are allowd in th room, that is me and Mak. We recite Yassin and sometimes stop stop to talk to him We were there till 12am. Then the nurse ushered us out. But we told them we wud b outside. We knew he has not much time and we wanted to b near him as long as we can. Around 1am, a nurse rushing towards us "Encik dah nazak". During that time, only me, Mak, my sisters Yani and Fiza and Faiz, Yani's hubby were there. We ran quickly and the monitor showing som critical numbers. We recited Yassin for him and I sumtims stop to recite syahadah on his ears during his last moment. On the very last word of Yassin, Wailahiturjaunnn....his pulse went to zero.

We cried our heart out knowing he is no longer with us. But suddenly there is some figure showing up. A nurse came in and told us, "Tadi masa dah kosong dah meninggal, yg nombor ni mesin"  While crying, we called all family members and relatives informing them that Baba has left us. But few minutes later a nurse came see us saying the doctor wanted to see us. What now? It turned out that the nurse is giving false info. Baba is still alive but barely. But it is nearly his time. We sat and gather around him, reciting Yassin again. 20 minutes later, the doctor pronounced him dead.

I'm telling you all the details while I still remember it. Aftr a week, I can still remember it as it occurs yesterday. I have many regrets. I dun think I am a gud daughter to him.

My second IF. What if my neighbour didn't call the ambulance? Will he still be aliv today? I've asked my Mak and sistr and they told me the same answer. He might be but he will be in more pain. Baba always told me that he didn't like to burden anyone and he hoped to leave peacefully. His wishes is granted, Allahuakbar!
His body is later sent for mandi jnazah and burial at home. I'm sure he woud like that. And I can still rember my promise to him in ICU room, I will take care of Mak and the rest of my siblings for the rest of my life.

Al Fatihah to Baba, Mustaffa bin Mohamad......

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Next is Ho Chi Minh

Hmmm...rasa baru je bercuti di bangkok last January. And now, it's time for middle of the year vacation. Usually, middle of the year vacay ni expenses akan lg besar, i.e, Seoul in 2011, Europe in 2012. And end of the year vacay is mostly within the SEA. But this year, tukar plan sket. Or rather, I'm planning my big one towards end of the year....tunggguuuu.....tapi trip tu tak sure la sebab macam xde geng lg...

So, me n my vacation friends, Izan, Ida and Yati, planned for this Ho Chi Minh trip. Ni pun sebab Yati has just moved here due to work relocation. So, accomodation FREE!! Best, best....as of now, baru ada flight ticket je. and this time we decided to fly with Airasia sebab memg lg murah. And you know what, I haven't flown with Airasia for more than 1 year. Yela, sebab Airasia kan murah, so memg byak trip naik airasia. Let me think, my first trip was in 2006 to Bangkok, followed by Bandung trip (May 2007), Gold Coast (Oct 2008), Kota Kinabalu (July 2009-tahun ni xde international trip sebab nak concentrate panjat gunung Kinabalu), Bali (May 2010), Seoul (May 2011) and Langkawi (Feb 2012). Last year's Europe trip (Heathrow, June 2012) and Bangkok (Dec 2012) naik MAS. terasa diri ini kaya la plak kann...kalau ikutkan, those trip nak naik airasia gak tp Airasia no longer flies to London and Bangkok plak masa tu tgah peak and ticket airasia harga sama je dgn mas, baik amek mas kan! Bila fikir balik, rasa bersyukur sangat dpt travel to all those places.

So, back to HCMC (Ho chi minh city), kitorg akan bertolak on April 27 till May 1. Bila check balik, it's gonna be end of next month. Rasa mcm dah dekat plak. Kitorg plan for shopping je and some sight seeing. And maybe to Vung Tao beach if we have the time. Will blog about it soon!

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Herbalife...Day 1 and 2

I'm quite surprised...after only 2 days consuming Herbalife, my weight loss is 2 kg...but maybe because the way I eat and exercise. But it's only been 2 days. My weight could still fluctuate. This is my diary for the 2 days:

Day 1:
Breakfast: Coffee and biscuits
Lunch: Rice, salai meat and ulam
Tea: Hazelnut coffee (Oldtown)
Dinner: Herbalife shake + nestum+soya
Water: 3liter (amazeball!!!)
Activity: not much, just hang around with friend at Oldtwon during the afternoon. Rest of the day, watching tv at home

Day 2:
Breakfast before swimming: coffee and 1 biscuit
Breakfast after swimming: Tosai and plain water
Lunch: Hebalife shake + soya+banana
Dinner: Milo + 3 slices of Hi-fibre bread, cekodok
Water: 1.5liter
Activity: Swimming for 1 hour in the morning. Rest of the day, watching tv at home.

Let's see my progress after today....

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Herbalife...Day 0

This is probably my first attempt to really go on diet...it's not that I am really overweight..It's just that when I look at my recent pictures, I do not look good! I admit, my weight is above my ideal weight but it is not really a concern for me since I eat healthily (well, maybe there are few times not so healthy, I'm a human afterall!), sometimes do exercise with friends like hiking and rafting. I dun do jogging. I just hate it. huhu...yeah, maybe swimming sometimes. But the thing is, the last few years, after reaching my big three-0, my weight increases and then, stagnant at certain figure (not gonna tell the number!). Even tho I did so many things, like watching what I eat, exercising, it just so stubborn to go down. I've read and even listen to few friends' experience on herbalife. It has very good reputation, I can say. Tho I was unwilling to try at first, but since I'm getting nowhere with my weight, I thot, why not give it a lil try. Yes, it's expensive. But my resolution is just to reach till my weight before my big three-0. Not really skinny, or model look, you know. I can never be me if my weight is below 50kg! (Oppsss...)..So, let's see how do I fare with this Herbalife after few weeks or months..My plan is just to get my goal and then stop. But I still gonna watch what I eat and maybe exercise (tho not so much!).  And I will try me best to blog on my diet program from time to time. Today is day 0. Gonna start tomorrow. Wish me Luck!!

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Menunggu buah tak gugur

Well, that's pretty much what I'm doing now. Project dah habis, waiting for new projects which does not seem to appear anytime soon. So, in the office, fb-ing, bloghopping, boringggg.....what else to do? Suddenly yesterday the boss announced that there might chances for secondment to other worley offices in the world. Singapore, Oman and London....Of course, I and any sane person here would dfntly choose London! But I've been heartbroken before over this secondment thingy that I think it is not wise to think that I will be chosen for the assignment...So much for menunggu buah yang tak gugur...arghhhh...