Sunday, January 15, 2017

So, what is your plan?

I get this questions a lot now.

But seriously DO NOT ask this when you see me. By asking this, it seems that I have something going on but I do not have ANYTHING, at the moment. I understand some of my friends are quite concern since being on unpaid leave means no source of income. Fret not, I have some saving though I seriously do not know how long it will last since it is not much.

You must have something you are good at that you want to do that can help create some revenue?

Well, I even hate this question because, yes, I have so many things I like, writing novel, travelling , etc and I am sure it can help me create something however, I do not have the confidence at the moment.

I have also peeking through jobstreet and linked in looking for potential jobs however, that was an even bigger nightmare. It just says that either I am overqualified or underqualified. There is no job matching my current position. But, I am not sure I even want to be in the current position anymore. It is tiring and depressing. At the moment I just want to be out from oil and gas industry. It is just a mean world at the moment. But getting job in another industry is also seem not possible since I have 14 years experience in oil and gas industry. I have to go to fresh grad level if I were to do it.

So, what do I do now? When will I start thinking about this unemploymentt? I dunno. At the moment, I would like to say that I am still employed though I will not get any salary. I am still pining hope on my company that they will call me for a job assignments  before 3 months is up. Though I can say, at the moment, the indication showing that is NOT possible.

I know I have to do something and I am seriously thinking about it. But just give me sometime and act normal. I would appreciate it very much.

I have to be strong, and I know I am not alone. I know something good is waiting for me. So cheer up!

Monday, January 9, 2017


Today is the start of my 3 months unpaid leave. Surprise, huh? Me too..My boss handed over the letter at 4pm yesterday. I was ready to leave already. Initially he wanted to discuss on a project I did before. Suddenly he went about the proposed attachement for Brunei office. He just knew that me and my colleague did not get thru. I was a bit disappointed but when I saw him handed me a letter, I was speechless at first. Could it be...? I was right. It was my retrenchment letter.

I should see it coming. The way he handled the attachment. In a rush, without asking me and my colleague first. Then, there was a meeting which my name was not included. But maybe because I refused to believe it.

Since I have discussed my option with him few weeks before, I did not want to turn back on my words. I quickly pack my stuffs and inform hr. Everything was done in less than 2  hours. Yours sincerely already in depressed mood.

After saying goodbye to few friends, I walked out from the office. I didn't cry, but almost cry when I talked to one of my colleague. I wish this day never comes but it is totally out of my hands. I believe that there is bigger things await and I have to be calm.

I will forever remember  this day, January 9 , 2017, the day I got retrenchment letter from my dear company.

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

I got an interview but..

Times are tough now,  and i see no way out.  I have discussed with mommy numerous times and she asked me to hold on. When you thought you had a great career with good pay,  you cant just imagined not having it anymore. This is where i am now.  Its like you are in a dark tunnel and you cant see the light at the end.

I've heard that we are going to have another round of retrenchment.  Have heard about it probably since last month. I was more than ready for it. I have discussed with my boss that if i have an option,  i would opt for, 6 months leave.  Yes,  no salary for 6 months though. But i have calculated my saving,  decided to take out my trust fund so that i am financially ok for 6 months.

Then my boss told me that a company would like to hire me for a year.  The company is located at neighbouring country. I was ecstatic. And they wanted to interview me tomorrow. So,  i was feeling a bit happy,  though a part of me cant help but think i might not get it.  I have been to few interviews and failed at some of it. But that is not my main concern. My problem is,  while i am happy to be given a chance for a year work,  there are friends who already got retrenchment letters and dreading for the future. Can i be happy? I dunno any more. I am now sad and depressed. And my boss is hoping i get thru so he doesnt have to put my name on the list.

I dunno anymore. I pray hard that we are going to get thru this tough times.

Sunday, January 1, 2017

I finally made it

After 3 years,  I can proudly say that I have khatam-ed quran. At my age,  my whole life,  i have never once completed the recite of quran under a certified teacher. I have completed reciting quran on my own few times but this time,  its official. And that after 3 years learning under this ustazah.  Ustazah Asiah.  What started as a just for fun learning,  later i am hooked to it because deep down i know i have been reading it wrong but just cudnt find the teacher.  3 years is a long time. I started without knowing when will i get to the last page. I skipped class few times during the first year because i thot it wasnt important enough. Everything changes one day or maybe after the second year. Depressed about work,  my personal life,  everything jumbles up and i needed an outlet.  AlQuran was the answer.

Suddenly i feel i was alive.  I found something to look forward to very much. Up untill early jan 2016, the class had about 20 students and conducted at office surau every friday during friday prayer since my company is half day on friday. Each of us only recite a page a session. When my company decided to go for full day on friday,  the class dismissed. But i continued on since i have the time to drive to ustazah house. I was only few juzuk that time. Since my reciting is better,  ustazah asked me to read 10 page per session. That actually speed up my khatam.

Finally,  after 3 years,  i have officially khatam today on Jan 1, 2017.  Alhamdulillah..

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Moshi, Moshi

I have been pestering my best friend on trip to Japan. Initially, I wanted to go alone. But then she wanted to tag along. Being me, I would love to plan and book everything early, so that I can get the cheapest price ticket and the best accommodation. Since we planned (actually I plan) to go during cherry blossom season, the crowd is expected. I don't want to be too ambitious, hence I planned for short stay here since things are unpredictable nowadays. with shorter days there, I can focus only on Tokyo. I tailor made this trip so that it will not go above 5k all in. Pretty impossible, right? with the plunging ringgit. But I was so adamant on making it a reality, like what I did in my Seoul trip last winter. Stick to budget and only go to places that I really want to go.

So, the first step to really confirm whether we are going or not, is to buy the flight tickets. Once we have the tickets, other things can start to fall into places. When I checked in November, flight ticket is around 1.5k but there are a lot of choices. I would love to book via Mypyo again like what I did last winter. Mypyo is Malaysian travel agency and I'm quite confident booking thru it. But my friend had this nervous breakdown because her company is retrenching people and she was afraid that her name will be on the list. I am not gonna say that I am confident of not being retrenched but this feeling of uncertainty is just killing me and the only way out is to start planning for a trip which I know gonna take my mind off somewhere. Last year, I made that trip to Seoul since I dunno if I will be travelling again. That was the feeling a year ago and I am feeling the same thing, even a year later. I just hate it. I am not going to do Europe again now because that is suicidal and that's why I think Tokyo is just the right place though I started to regret it a bit now, after seeing the expenses there.

So, somehow, I managed to secure tickets for us yesterday after much persuading. Everyday, the number of cheap tickets is declining. Mypro no longer have the promotional price ticket. I am so disheartened. when she said yes to proceed, I straightway bought a ticket. This time thru gotogate. The price is more than what I expected but still cheap. Before this I wasn't really confident with this website and after reading few positive reviews, it is enough to let me put my money there. so now, we already have a return ticket to Japan in March. yeayyyy..

I have also done some research on the accommodation. but it's too soon to tell my friend about it. but there are already few places that I like which has been fully booked on the date we will be in Tokyo. so, maybe I need to push my friend a bit or let me book accommodation before I can just relax and enjoy planning how our day to day gonna be in Tokyo.

Cant wait. May 2017, pls come faster!

Thursday, December 8, 2016

My employment history (no, this is not my CV)

We heard the HOD leaving the company for few months already. But nobody in the department actually have the courage to confront him and ask whether it's true or not. We have love hate relationship with him. Sometimes he's so caring, sometimes so mean. I usually stay neutral but there is one incident which made me bitter towards him. Well, since he'll be saying goodbye, I might as well forget it and wish him well.

I've met many bosses before, of course I have worked for more than 10 years in a 4 different companies. My first workplace, Perwaja, located in chukai, terengganu was such an educational field to me. I worked in steel making plant and my day to day job is just to monitor and report to my boss on any abnormalities and work with her on troubleshooting. There were quite a handful of Mexican expats in the office. Blond, blue-eyed..sighhh..pleasing to the eyes. But none of them are single. However, some of them acted like they are not, well, men! During my 2 years there, I did enjoy my time, though I had some serious discussion with my colleagues on reporting the company to the Labor Dept since this company made us work for 6 days, more than 40 hours a week. However, we got demotivated when meeting the HR people who says " you think Labor Dept doesn't know? how long has PERWAJA been in operation?". So, I was very determine to leave the company.

Then I got an offer from MMC Kerteh. An oil and gas consultant. I had no idea what business they are in. I just know that the office is in Kerteh, somewhat half an hour ride from Chukai. My friend Ija, who works for another rival consultant company heard of the vacancy and ask me to apply. I applied and went for the interview. Even though I have 2 years experience, I was still considered a graduate engineer since I never had any consultation background before. They offered higher salary than Perwaja (well, to tell the truth, Perwaja didn't pay that much, my salary was below the graduate engineer salary range) so I grabbed it.  But my boss in Perwaja was sad me going. We are more like sisters than staff-boss, but decisions had been made.

I worked with MMC for 3 years. The first year I was in KL office, getting myself familiar with design works since I will be the only Process Engineer in Kerteh office. When I went back to Kerteh office, then I decided I need a car because I no longer have the luxury of company transportation. I also stay in kerteh and not in Chukai because of the distance. It was only 10 of us in kerteh office when I started working there. we have so much free time because we did not have any project at hand. Up until few months in the office, did we start get busy. Really busy that more people are hired. In Kerteh also, I was the only engineer in my department, hence I have to do a lot of things myself including making the decision on the design and all. which should be under lead or senior role, but we have none here. I guess that's how I grow really fast in this industry. Though I would say, there are few decisions and things that I did which I regret, there is no way for me amend it now, and I have to make it a lesson learnt. There are few times I have to send my report to my boss in KL for them to approve but sometimes it just took so long and I have to bypass them as checker because of tight schedule.After 3 years there, I decided to work closer to my hometown, and that's when DPS came knocking at my door.

DPS was still a new company when I joined. I still remember that it was my ex colleague in MMC that actually suggested me to apply for a post here. I got in. Although MMC and DPS are both consultant but the work is different. I thought I have learnt whatever that need to be learnt with MMC but boy I was wrong. The task here is different, the scope is different, the report is different. well, not much different but everything here is on larger scale. And more details. I can say that even with 10 years working experience in Kerteh office, you are still below par with people working  5 years in KL office. And I have to catch up fast. Process team is a small team, less than 10 people. So, when we got a big project, we are overwhelm. I don't even have checker for my task though I took one of the most difficult and have never done before. I feel helpless. I work more than 40 hours a week to get task completed. And only pray I get it right. But along the way, I learn my mistakes. My colleagues here is definitely one of the best colleagues I had.

Working in DPS is fine. And it was not even 2 years here when I got another job offer from RWP. I took it, knowing RWP can help me become a better engineer with their structured working culture. And I have been working for them since the last 6 years. Amazing, isn;t it? There was one time, before leaving MMC, my ex boss asked me to join RWP in another site office but I refused because I hate them since it is rival company with MMC. I prefer to take DPS offer. Well, seems that I was really destined to work in RWP, and for such a long time. well, partly maybe because of the low oil price which makes me stay. But really, RWP is simply the best out of other consultant I have worked before. And the long years has forged a very good bond between me and my colleagues. Here, in RWP I have colleagues from all races and we work well together.

I don't know what the future gonna be. I don't know how long will I be in this company. I just hope the future is bright enough for everyone in this industry


I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Maybe I should become a novelist? Because it is so boring in the office, I could write a novel in my free time. Who knows, my novel might become instaneous  success and I don't have to work anymore for the rest of my life? so much for wishful thinking, aite? but again, that's me, I am a dreamer. my imagination is just unbelievable. Hmm..maybe it is not a bad idea also. I've been thinking to write a love story (love stories surely sell well), between a woman caught with 2 men. cliché. hmm..forbidden love because of status? come on, so yesterday. I better think hard for the next couple of days and start writing something. Who knows, this dream is no longer a dream. But first, gotta get a title first.