Friday, April 21, 2017


The scene of me visiting Tokyo has been playing in my mind for so long. Since i was a kid. I grew up watching japanese dramas and it just never crossed my mind that i would really step my foot there.. Even after visiting seoul for so many times, i did not dare to put my hope of visiting Tokyo. Its just too expensive for me. Thats what i thought. Then somehow i got the courage to tell myself lets do Tokyo in 2017 at the peak of Sakura season. Where tourists came bustling right and left, accomodations are far more expensive. So, why not.? Initially, I wanted to do a solo like what i did last year with Seoul. However, i have been to Seoul before, Tokyo, never. I was a bit reluctant, but somehow, I throw a caution to the wind and jokingly asked my friend Aida to join me. I told her I am still doing a solo if she did not come with me. No pressure. Turned out she wanted to tag along. Great! Now I have a strong reason to plan this vacation. So, to cement this, I had to buy the flight ticket to make it a reality. I have to wait until mid dec for aida to say yes. By that time, the flight ticket has soared from 1200 to 1700. Well, at least she still wanted to go. So, thats the start of my grand planning. I have alreasy imagined myself in Tokyo.

Then came the letter. Retrenchment letter. But since i have already allocated some budget and i have even paid for flight and hostel, I still went ahead with the trip. I took 3 months unpaid and my trip is between my unpaid leaves which is just perfect.

So, we boarded the plane to Tokyo. So the plane was hot. So we reached Tokyo... And everything is just a dream come true... Such a great season cherry blossoms is. Such beautiful flowers, such a clean city.. I cannot praise enough... Everyday is a fairytale in Japan. And yes, i would definitely come again, when things are getting better one day.

Hope to see you again Japan!

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

And so, I have finally made the decision...

After 3 months on unpaid leaves, and working in between, I have finally made THE decision to leave the company. It was not really a tough decision. Made easier by certain someone in the company. When I got the retrenchment letter in Jan, I kinda half expected it. I was shocked, yes, but kinda see it coming. And cried at nights. Not because I lost my job but somehow I feel sad that I will mot be able to help out my family like what I always do. It is just heartbreaking.

But you get over it. 

Some of friend supported this decision, some not. Becausenit os tough finding jobs nowadays. But I told myself, the company did not provide rezeki, they are only a means, Allah is the ultimate power. To him, I shall go and follow my heart.In between the unpaid, I did more solat sunat and read more Qur'an. I have so many free time and I seem to enjoy the free time given by Allah to rethink and tawakkal. As hamba, there are things beyond our control. Have faith.

2weeks ago, I was back on unpaid after working for 6 weeks.  And so, I asked my boss on his plan for me since my 3 months unpaid is ending. He just din give me convincing answer. In my mind, I know I have to go. I have done istikharah before and only hope to be shown the way.

Then I went to a 6 days trip to Yoko, land of my dreams. I can Tell you that, among all the countries that I have been before, only a few countries I can call a childhood dreams. There are only 2, London and Tokyo. Others are new dreams but these two are my childhood dreams. London because I kept hearing it in dramas, and tokuo because I watched a lot of Japanese dramas when I was a kid. Hence, going to Japan is almost surreal, the same feeling I got when I stepped in the plane to London in 2012. Living my childhodd dreams is just one of the best things I can give my life. Add I have been living so many dreams, even places I can never imagine I can go. And Allah, has given me everything, and for that I should be grateful.

And so, after saying to my boss on my decision on Monday, he was disappointed. Of course he is, when he expect me to continue my unpaid leaves, when there arestrong rumours going around that we will win more jobs. But I avehave made my decision. We will see after 1 months, where it will lead me.

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Bangkit Bersama

Today i am blogging live from Program Sukarelawan Sea Games. All the volunteers are officially called 'Wau Factors'. We will be the backbone of Kuala Lumpur 2017.
We came from all walks of life and from different states, as far as sarawak, from all races, from young to old. The oldest in this session (there are few training session for 13,000 Wau factors) is an 82 year old uncle. It is already an amazing feat to get all these people for one event, Kuala Lumpur 2017.
When i applied for this programme, i din have much info on what to do, how to do. My friend announced this in watsapp group. That time, i had just started my unpaid leave. So i told her, why not? I am sure that there will ve thousands applying and since i never got lucky, well might not get it at all. I was wrong. I was the only one of my friends who get selected. Could it br that during this tough times, my luck has turned? Unbelievable! 
Today is the 2nd day already into the firat training module. We have several courses before the big event. 
Will blog more about it later

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Dont you feel guilty?

I got this question as i was about to head out from office at 6pm. This was question from my collleague. Why, you ask? Today marked the 3rd day in a row i got out from the office quite early. The last few weeks, my average is at 8pm. While my colleagues, totally passed that time. The record is at 12am.
So, do i feel guilty if i am the only one who got out from the office earlier than my teammate? Or do i feel guilty not be able to join them and have lengthy discussion on the project. Well, at the moment, i just cudnt care less. When i have an appointment, i would like to keep it. I dont really like working long hours because i tend to make mistakes more if i spend more time thinking on something for more than 8 hours. If i just feel that i wanna go home now, cant take it anymore, i will do it. There is no point staying when i can no longer focus on things.
This is not to say that i am not focussed and lazy. I work hard. But i know my limits.
Being in a competitives environment like what i sm experiencing now, with teammates ready to stay long hours, work over the weekend or do work at home, totally not me. I know i have to get things done and i am realistic on my expectations. Though i can say that in the project i am doing now, i have no freaking clue on the progress or things to be submitted. On one hand, i know i have deadline and i am confident i can meet it. On the other hand, my teammates is saying i am not doing enough.
Though you can say i am already in holiday mode. My trip is less than 2 weeks to go and i just cannot focus on other things.

Lets hope whatever it is, i can complete all my deliverables before my trip. If i cant? Well, too bad, right? Even i know myself that whatever i am doing now, it takes 2 people to do it. I just have to toughen up in this weather.

This too, shall pass....

Monday, March 13, 2017

No Beauty and The Beast?!

I am sooo sad.. Been looking forward the screening of this movie since foreverrr...
Yesterday, i was browsing TGV apps to check the screening time since it is out this thursday, and to my surprise, beauty and the beast showtime was not there. Thinking that maybe i can only book it on thrursday only, i thot of nothing. And then... I checked my fb and someone has posted about possible cancellation of this show due to lgbt factor in the movie.... Whatttttt? I am soooo devastated! But i was still hoping that it will not get cancelled since there is no confirmation. Well, the news could be fake... Yeah right! And just now, TGV sent an update that the movie has been confirmed not to be shown. Oh emm geeee.... 
So i have to wait until it is out on torrent or youtube to watch it! Arghh.. Or maybeee... I can watch it in Tokyo! Cant wait for ap30th march to come! 

Friday, March 3, 2017

Back to working.. Mixed feelings

I am now posting this on a bus back to my home. It is already 8pm now. Just got out from the office. Initially, when i got the watsapp from my HOD asking me to come back to the office for a job assignment, I was happy, like really happy. 6 weeks doing nothing specific, well, mostly watching dramas online. But i also try to spend more time doing solat sunat and read quran more during my free time that i did not really feel i am not doing anything. I was thinking to slot in some time to review some documentations on my work in between my free time but lets admit it, it gets boring reading technical stuffs at home. I can do work only at office!

So, I am back in the office. Once i get back, there are so many stories going around. It makes me feel sad knowing that there is no security in the job i am doing now. I was already thinking on serving notice in the coming months. I feel so sad. Working environment is pretty intense. Everything is fast track now. You just dun hv time to think. Somemore, my teammates are pretty competitives. They are hardworking and have can do attitude. I am the only malay girl in the group. The pressure is just so overwhelming. But i gotta keep up. Now its everything about your ability to deliver at the time scheduled, no matter what is the condition. Or you loose your chances. It was crazy. But i suddenly, when i was about to pack my stuffs and go home, i suddenly realized i really loved my job. I could say anything, scream saying its not for me anymore, but deep down i know i am only good at this.

Its gonna be tough. In another few more weeks i have to decide whether to really put an end to this or still pining hope on the company. It is not a situation i want to be in. But as much as i love my job, i know, out there, is a bigger world waiting for me to explore other options. Maybe its time to say goodbye and ready for new adventure?

Monday, February 20, 2017

First day in the office after that unpaid leave

My first day today in the office. I know its going to get tough.

Boss told me briefly that I would be involved in a 4 week job. I know its fast track job but I cud not imagine how tough it is. Came to the office, has to find my PC first, found it after 930am, set it up myself, then I had problem logging on. Called IT and he asked me how long have I not logged on? Well, try One and  half month. That s the problem! The network has forgotten my PC and need to configure in the network. Well, welcome to the office Herlina! Try being unpaid for more than 6 months, I cud say bye2 to my PC.

I was briefed by my Lead..hmm ok, take some time to warm up coz, well, I did not do anything  since the last couple of week other than starring at my tablet, watching kdramas, c dramas, thai dramas... hmmm... its ok, I can do this, told myself. Towards the end of the day, well, its already 8pm when I left the office... wow, what a first day and finally I figured out why my Boss called me to the office. I am about the do the most difficult work of all, the most hated part, all me because almost everyone in the team has taken the easy one. Well, not easy la, but they were part of the team before and already familiar with their system, but system I am handling is where there is no one in the office has much information. Kudos heroine! I can already see myself sleeping in the office this weekend... cry, cry..

Well, its tough now, and I have to endure 4 more weeks or maybe more. Toughen up, its going to get even tougher later...