Girls, girls, girls...

Warning: This is about me ranting bout things I didn't want to think...YOU do the thinking!

Sometimes, I just wanna be alone..

I don't know why, but after getting so used to smaller group of girls in the office, when there is sudden surge in the numbers (my company is growing, and it gets harder to get good male candidates suitable for the job), I feel soo alienated. I am friendly and maybe nice (rite??), so I don't see why I can't see myself fit in. But that's what happened now.

Izit becoz of:

1-Jealousy: Before this not so many girls, and single girls even less (me and the other co-worker). So I don't feel any competition to get my colleague's attention. It's not like flirting or what, but attention. It's like sharing jokes, getting someone to buy you things are a lot easier back then. But now, so many girls, so you gotta really stand out. I just hate it.

2-Age: Yeah, I admit that among the girls in the office, I can be considered as one of the eldest (and wiser, of coz!). But the age gap does not vary much, about 2 to 5 years gap. I don't know why, but I feel that I just can't join the conversation. I really try to but sometimes, I just don;t get it.

3-Seniority: Yup, I'm one of the pioneers in the office. I just can't help it. Sometimes, when other girls are doing things, or suggesting things for the office, I keep comparing myself, being more senior, should have the upper hand, becoz, hey, we were here first! But I know, shouldn't think like that.

4-Me: I think I need to improve my PR skills. I admitted that sometimes, when the girls lepak in the pantry, I didn't join them (I'm busy) and even if I have free time, I didn't join the group till the end of "discussions". I just have to get away. Maybe it's caused by all the factors above, or maybe bcoz, I just wanna be alone. If I'm the only one feeling left out, while others feel OK, then it must be becoz of me, rite?

The bad thing is, I didn't enjoy my job as I used to be. Maybe I need some more time to get myself adapted to the new surrounding. It's either me or the WORLD (whatever it means..I just don't care). Of course it's gonna be me...sigh...