Back to working.. Mixed feelings

I am now posting this on a bus back to my home. It is already 8pm now. Just got out from the office. Initially, when i got the watsapp from my HOD asking me to come back to the office for a job assignment, I was happy, like really happy. 6 weeks doing nothing specific, well, mostly watching dramas online. But i also try to spend more time doing solat sunat and read quran more during my free time that i did not really feel i am not doing anything. I was thinking to slot in some time to review some documentations on my work in between my free time but lets admit it, it gets boring reading technical stuffs at home. I can do work only at office!

So, I am back in the office. Once i get back, there are so many stories going around. It makes me feel sad knowing that there is no security in the job i am doing now. I was already thinking on serving notice in the coming months. I feel so sad. Working environment is pretty intense. Everything is fast track now. You just dun hv time to think. Somemore, my teammates are pretty competitives. They are hardworking and have can do attitude. I am the only malay girl in the group. The pressure is just so overwhelming. But i gotta keep up. Now its everything about your ability to deliver at the time scheduled, no matter what is the condition. Or you loose your chances. It was crazy. But i suddenly, when i was about to pack my stuffs and go home, i suddenly realized i really loved my job. I could say anything, scream saying its not for me anymore, but deep down i know i am only good at this.

Its gonna be tough. In another few more weeks i have to decide whether to really put an end to this or still pining hope on the company. It is not a situation i want to be in. But as much as i love my job, i know, out there, is a bigger world waiting for me to explore other options. Maybe its time to say goodbye and ready for new adventure?


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