Tam...
On April 8, 2009, after hving my lunch, I checked out my phone and was surprised to see 10 missed calls and 1 sms..what the heck? Never did I imagine that it's a call that wud rush me home to Melaka. My tam passed away...
At first, I was kinda ok when my dad informed me.. I was still chatting with my colleague, telling them I had to take leave that day and started filling my leave form..I was damn calm!.. I even told my colleagues that I just saw her few days before and she seemed fine. Suddenly, tears streaming down my face..I started to hv problem talking then and my whole body shook. Did I just hear that Tam passed away? I started questioning myself. but i just saw her...over and over again, this question played in my mind.
I must've looked terrible coz my colleagues asked me to stop watever I'm doing and just leave. They were even willing to inform my boss bout this. And my tears still wudn't stop. It takes sumtime for me stabilise myself and gather my spirit so that I cud be home for her funeral. My dad even reminded me to drive carefully. At first I thot that she wud be buried at my kampung, the place she lived in for her whole life. But since she spent her last remaining days of her lives at my Mak Lang's house in Muar, her siblings has decided to bury her there.
One of my friends asked me, "Are you that close to ur aunt? You just look terrible with her loss."
Close? I felt that she's part of my siblings. She's like an older sister I never had. When I was small, in my primary school, I slept at nenek's house, not in my own house. Nenek's house is just next to my house. Tam took care of nenek all her life. During her funeral, I know that nenek is the one feeling her lost more than anyone else but nenek is so strong, she didn't shed a tear. The only thing that keep coming out from her mouth "Nah (Tam) dah takde". I cried hearing this from her. But there's no tears from her. None at all. Tam pampered me and my other sibling, Yani like we are her own daughters. She never marries. There was a time, I heard nenek saying that a man wanted to take her hand in marriage few years ago, but Tam refused. I guess, she was so used to her life with nenek that she cudn't bear to think of living further from her. I was quite a spoilt child then. Whenever I didn't get my parents to buy me stuffs, I wud persuaded Tam to buy it for me. We wud go to town together and she wud belanje me makan and buying me stuffs. Sometimes, when i get scolded my mum or dad, I wud just run away and seek asylum in her house. I knew she wud defend me from my parents. I was a wild child. When I furthered my studies and leave home, all her love was poured to my younger sis, yanie. I did get jealous when I get back and saw how much she loved my sis, but as i grew up, i recognized her loneliness.
The one thing I really regret is, I always takes her for granted. I knew she wud always be there, in nenek's house, taking care of nenek, that I never thot that she's the one leaving us earlier. When she asked me to accompany her, going shopping or dinner, I feel so lazy and just wanted to stay home. She always belanje me, buying me things but to this day, I don't think I 've repayed her enuff.
Nenek's house will never be the same without her. To this day, I dreaded thinking of going home to melaka and not finding her there. Tam, I love you so much!!
P/S: i'm crying now..
At first, I was kinda ok when my dad informed me.. I was still chatting with my colleague, telling them I had to take leave that day and started filling my leave form..I was damn calm!.. I even told my colleagues that I just saw her few days before and she seemed fine. Suddenly, tears streaming down my face..I started to hv problem talking then and my whole body shook. Did I just hear that Tam passed away? I started questioning myself. but i just saw her...over and over again, this question played in my mind.
I must've looked terrible coz my colleagues asked me to stop watever I'm doing and just leave. They were even willing to inform my boss bout this. And my tears still wudn't stop. It takes sumtime for me stabilise myself and gather my spirit so that I cud be home for her funeral. My dad even reminded me to drive carefully. At first I thot that she wud be buried at my kampung, the place she lived in for her whole life. But since she spent her last remaining days of her lives at my Mak Lang's house in Muar, her siblings has decided to bury her there.
One of my friends asked me, "Are you that close to ur aunt? You just look terrible with her loss."
Close? I felt that she's part of my siblings. She's like an older sister I never had. When I was small, in my primary school, I slept at nenek's house, not in my own house. Nenek's house is just next to my house. Tam took care of nenek all her life. During her funeral, I know that nenek is the one feeling her lost more than anyone else but nenek is so strong, she didn't shed a tear. The only thing that keep coming out from her mouth "Nah (Tam) dah takde". I cried hearing this from her. But there's no tears from her. None at all. Tam pampered me and my other sibling, Yani like we are her own daughters. She never marries. There was a time, I heard nenek saying that a man wanted to take her hand in marriage few years ago, but Tam refused. I guess, she was so used to her life with nenek that she cudn't bear to think of living further from her. I was quite a spoilt child then. Whenever I didn't get my parents to buy me stuffs, I wud persuaded Tam to buy it for me. We wud go to town together and she wud belanje me makan and buying me stuffs. Sometimes, when i get scolded my mum or dad, I wud just run away and seek asylum in her house. I knew she wud defend me from my parents. I was a wild child. When I furthered my studies and leave home, all her love was poured to my younger sis, yanie. I did get jealous when I get back and saw how much she loved my sis, but as i grew up, i recognized her loneliness.
The one thing I really regret is, I always takes her for granted. I knew she wud always be there, in nenek's house, taking care of nenek, that I never thot that she's the one leaving us earlier. When she asked me to accompany her, going shopping or dinner, I feel so lazy and just wanted to stay home. She always belanje me, buying me things but to this day, I don't think I 've repayed her enuff.
Nenek's house will never be the same without her. To this day, I dreaded thinking of going home to melaka and not finding her there. Tam, I love you so much!!
P/S: i'm crying now..
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